Abbott declares himself Minister for Queen.

Hello? Hello? Is this thing on?

Hello? Hello? Is this thing on?

Following on from his role as Minister for Women, Tony Abbott has this morning declared himself Minister for Queen.

“I have spoken to Queeny and she’s fair-dinkum blue. Yes, it’s a diverse portfolio, but I want to make one thing clear: it’s long overdue. I will personally oversee a hat-to-Corgi review that will deal with the long-standing inconsistencies associated with this area, such as the Queen’s Christmas Morning Address, which always falls in the evening.”

Abbott acknowledged criticism of the reshuffle from with the party ranks, and denied placating members of his Cabinet with new Ministerial responsibilities,

“Look, we’re a broad church, and there will always be room for robust debate, especially around Cabinet portfolios. However, I think it’s best to let the incoming Minister for Barn-Dancing and Not Shilly-Shallying About, Mr Barnaby Joyce respond to that criticism on behalf of all of the Ministers who have seen changes to their portfolios as a result of my executive review.”

Commentators have offered a different view. In an interview with the ABC’s Phillip Adams, Gough Whitlam described Malcolm Turnbull’s rebadged Ministry for Media and Equivocations and Julie Bishop’s new role as Minister for Perfume and Onesies as ‘own goals’ for the Abbott government.

Standby for eggplants.

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