The healing moment

In sailing, the heeling moment is the intersection between the desire of the wind to flatten the sail and tip over the boat, and the countervailing force of the inertia in the keel. Usually, this is around 60 degrees. It is also known as, ‘almost tits up’.

I was wondering what to write about today when I encountered a local woman on the beach. She’s a nice person, and we engaged in chatty and seamanlike banter. We got talking about exercise, and she told me that she was unable to do much as she was slowly healing.

From what? I asked, like a grasping idiot who should know better than to ask random older women these kinds of questions. I present the outcome of this momentary lack of judgement below,

“I’m healing from all kinds of things. First I discovered I’d been exposed to bad things through my house, I think I’ll have to move really”

“Do you have mould in your house? Is it leaking?” I asked, again marvelling at my preening, fathomless stupidity. Never ask these questions. NEVER.

“Yes, well I do. Although not really, not that you can see, but I had a bio engineer look at the house. Well, he didn’t actually look, he’s in Sydney but he works with dousing rods you know, and he told me that my house lies at the intersection of a number of negative energy networks, and also has an ancient water body underneath it”.

“Oh that’s interesting”, I said, roaring ahead, floundering around in the sheep dip of naturopathy, the homeopathic arsenic burning up to the hairline.

“Yes, and he was really good. You know he gave me this, it’s resin -” she pulled a round yellow resin disc tied onto a string out from under her collar – “this prevents the positive…no hang on, this is positively charged. It stops all the negative energies, like the ones he was talking about but also the ones like EMF you know, that are all around”.

“Do go on,” I said, because I’d temporarily forgotten how to say, “For fucks sake pull yourself together”.

“It’s really worked. As soon as I unwrapped it and put it on I felt so much better. I just had a healing moment right then and there”.

The healing moment.

I’ve no doubt she feels better. It stands to reason. She has paid for a man in a second storey brick n tile unit in Miranda to wave a stick in a general southwards direction and also send her a small plastic disc on a string.

It’s a lovely thought, to reassemble the metaphysics of one’s life into something that seems less capable of administering one of life’s many and various fleecings.

But how did we get here? Must we all have a heeling moment? A point where we lurch precipitously to one side and then discover an unseen counterbalance steadying us? How many plastic discs is that worth? Couldn’t we all do with one? Or a couple, even? Or, if we’re being generous, and in consideration of these difficult times, perhaps we could deliver them house to house, on the top of energy containing bottles?

Send money now.

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